Who am I? I am lost. I am dazed and confused. Why does love continue to taunt me? I see couples so happy in the streets. My past attempts at doing the same come back to haunt me in my dreams. Why can’t I be happy? I try to find it in each day I live. It continues to evade me. Why does my family treat me like an outsider? I slip through each room praying to avoid there inquisitive eyes. They judge and bash me for being myself. Why do I hide? The emotions I truly feel never make it to the surface. They tear me up from the inside. How do I change the effect people have on me so that I can just be happy instead of hiding?
Lost in admiration, filled with deprivation, I give into his administration. He takes over my body and everyone knows it. They can see it in my eyes the way they flutter between objects. They hear him in my voice as its anxious and indecisive. I couldn’t take back control if I tried….and believe me….I tried. Lost in the caverns of my own despair stumbling in the darkness that was brought about by my own malintent. I do not give in to him; I fight back, revealing the tremors of my hands. Someone may notice and help me from my anguish…but no one does. They look right into my eyes and see the pain in which they try so hard to hide, but they do nothing about it. When they ask me “how are you”, I struggle to put into words the depths of my situation and when I try to release the screams that echo through my very being: the man inside me replies, “I’m fine. How are you?”